.It
was in 1906 that Otto von Pantz the legendary Zeppelin racer, part
time chicken molester and heir to the huge Pantz sauerkraut
fortune decided that he needed somewhere to keep his large collection
ladies underwear. He designed a magnificent domed building in which
his collection (specialising in corsets for the larger woman) could
be displayed to their best effect.
Otto von
Pantz (1875-1912). He died following a tragic accident involving
an oversized rubber brassiere.
Sadly at this
point Otto made a big mistake, he employed the Ballzup brothers
to construct the Dome. Identical twin brothers Herman and Adolf
Ballzup's only recommendation was that they worked cheap. For some
reason Otto disappeared for a year, I have tried to find out what
happened at this time but the local newspapers of the period were
full of the story that the recent spate of thefts of the saddles
from women's bicycles had mysteriously stopped and I could find
no details of Otto.
Adolf Ballzup,
despite extensive research I have been unable to find a picture
of his identical twin Herman so I have no idea what he looked like.
As construction
of the Dome began Otto's sudden disappearance meant that nobody
noticed that during construction the Ballzup brothers were holding
the plans upside down. Therefore on his return Otto was devastated
to find instead of his beautiful Dome he had a large Bowl instead.
Broken hearted at the end of his dreams Otto joined the local St
Mary's Nunnery where he later became Mother Superior.
It is now
that Richard Head (known to his family as Dick) enters our story,
living in the dark, uncivilised East of England it was his ambition
to win a place in the Guinness Book of Records for cooking the World's
largest pork pie. In the early 1950's he saw an advertisement for
a large Bowl In The Times newspaper. The descendants of Otto von
Pantz being desperate to get rid of this reminder of their Grandfathers
folly dismantled the Pantzring (as locals had now began to call
it) and had it shipped to Norfolk in England. When Richard Head
had finished reassembling the Pantzring he realised that after the
expense of buying the 'ring, having it shipped to England and rebuilding
it there was no way that he could fill it with an estimated 27,346
pigs, never mind the 173 tons of flaky pastry in order to achieve
his dream of the World's largest pork pie. Sadly another dream in
tatters and the Pantzring was left to fall into disuse.
A young
Dick Head, with dreams of pork pies in his head.
It is now
that Philip Aloysius Rover (his parents wanted a dog) Flack enters
the story. On one particular day Fate was to play a strange trick
on rosy cheeked young Phil. On hearing a rumour that the beer at
his local pub was poisoned, Phil felt it was his public duty to
drink as much of this contaminated ale as possible to remove the
risk to anyone else. After an entire evening of saving his fellow
Norfolkians from a potential early death Phil was making his rather
unsteady way home when he had to make what can only be politely
described as a "pit stop". On finishing what had to be done Phil
lost his footing and found himself sliding down a steep bank, on
arrival at the bottom he thought a brief nap was needed. When he
awoke some three days later with Metallica performing a concert
inside his head, his legs feeling as if they were made of rubber
and an horrendous case of explosive diarrhea ("Aha" thought Phil
"so the beer was poisoned"), young Flack was amazed to find himself
in a large Bowl, heavily overgrown and in a bad state of disrepair.
Filled with enthusiasm (and more beer) Phil dedicated himself over
the following months to restore Pantsring (with its new English
spelling) to its former glory so that all we GPL players could enjoy
this wonderful experience.
I think we
all send out a vote of thanks to Otto von Pantz, Dick Head and our
own Track Guru for this wonderful experience.
Young
Master Flack in a moment of quiet relaxation.
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